Q & A: What do you do when your daughter shuts you down?
Today, I’m going to answer a question about how to navigate a super common tween response.
A few moms have asked me variations on this question recently: What do I do when my daughter shuts me down? When I try to talk about menstruation, or another taboo topic, she just says something like “I already know mom. I’m not dumb.”
This is a great question. Maybe you’ve had a similar experience and are also wondering what to do when your tween puts up a hand and stops your best efforts to connect around her first periods.
You’ll hear me say this over and over because it's one of my core values: you know yourself and your tween best. So, what do you think is going on when your daughter responds in this way? Consider your approach based on what you think is at the root of her shutting you down.
There are so many reasons why your daughter might respond this way. In this post, I want to share two effective approaches that work for pre-empting or moving through these moments based on two very common reasons why tweens do this.
Does she already know some basic information about menstruation? Affirm what she knows and then surprise her by sharing something completely new like your own first, worst, best or most recent period experience. You’ll grow your connection and she’ll learn something beyond the basics. Also, this might prompt her to ask questions and you’ll gain some insight about where to go next with this conversation.
Is she staking her independence by keeping you at arm’s length? If so, lean in to this moment and give her a period positive fiction book and a growing up guide she can read on her own and refer back to as she likes. You’ll grow your mutual trust and keep the lines of communication open for the future. She’ll get accurate, useful information and learn she can rely on herself.
If you’re interested in exploring more where this is coming from with your own tween and getting personalized solutions that make sense and feel good to you, please book a consultation. I’m here to help.
Also, I know it might not feel good when your daughter responds this way so I want to add a couple reminders that will help you stay solid when your tween acts like a tween:
First, remember they are going through puberty and adolescence: their brains are under construction and their job is to stretch toward independence. Your tween is totally normal.
Second, remember your helpful mama mindsets, especially compassion.
I love answering your questions and everyone in the Raising Flora community benefits when you ask, so please keep them coming.
